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Hand sanitizer dispensers and “Healthy Deerfield” stickers throughout campus buildings serve as a reminder of how Deerfield operated during the pandemic. However, many lingering changes, some less conspicuous, continue to benefit the Deerfield community in a multitude of ways. Deerfield’s physical campus saw changes during the pandemic, and some of the amenities deserve a long-term spot on the landscape. The addition of the outdoor rink, colloquially referred to as the ODR, encouraged students to go outside more during the winter months of the pandemic. Coordinator of Student Activities Brian Barbato expressed, “We asked ourselves: how do you take something like an ice skating rink, which is cool and pretty, but make it an experience?” The Student Life Office secured 130 pairs of skates to make the ODR more accessible to the general student body, weaving the new installation into a series of fun, COVID-appropriate winter activities in 2020. Following the resumption of interscholastic sports, the ODR has had an added benefit of reducing traffic on the indoor rink. Previously, the ninety-minute-long daily practices for four varsity and junior varsity teams, along with a shorter practice for the recreational team, meant each team had at least one late practice (8:00-9:30 pm) every week. In comparison, there is now only one late slot per week on the indoor rink for post-COVID hockey seasons. Boys Varsity Hockey Head Coach Tim McVaugh added, “It’s made a huge difference because we’ve got at least one team every afternoon that uses the ODR for practice, which just bumps everybody up.” Additionally, practices on the ODR help break apart the repetitive winter weeks. “[If] we’ve had a bunch of practices [on the indoor rink] in a row, [and the] guys are getting a little low on energy, that’s the time when you can go use the outdoor rink, change it up, have some fun,” Mr. McVaugh said. Another permanent addition is the beach volleyball court on the lawn outside on the Koch. Mr. Barbato recalled, “I sat down with our students and Teaching Assistants and said, ‘I want to build a beach.’” Like the ODR, the reasoning behind the court was to increase social activities in outdoor spaces. As to whether these additions will be present for future Deerfield students, Mr. Barbato confirmed, “The ODR is going to come back every year, and the Deerfield Beach [Volleyball Court] is going to stay as well.” The increased awareness towards wellbeing, particularly during the winter term, is also prevalent in minor changes around campus. Pre-pandemic, there were no hammocks and a lot fewer fire pits on the lawns. Reflecting on the “pandemic year”, Science Teacher Rich Calhoun said, “I think one of the highlights for me [was spending time on dorm duty outdoors with students sitting around the fire…There was nothing like that pre-COVID.” Recently, the SLO purchased twenty replacement hammocks for the ones from two years ago to continue the pandemic-induced habit of using outdoor spaces more. Fairy lights also adorn trees next to the Hess, allowing students to feel more comfortable walking around campus during cold winter nights. Furthermore, many small adjustments to accommodate physical distancing and reduced contact between individuals have evolved as the pandemic comes to an end. In the 2020-2021 school year, 100% of Deerfield admission interviews were conducted through Zoom. Senior Associate Director of Admission J. J. Briones explained, “We did Skype interviews beforehand, so this was a matter of moving it to a different platform.” While in-person interviews and tours have their own charm, the accelerated use of Zoom has proved convenient in admissions for both international and domestic prospective applicants. “As Deerfield opened up, we went a little bit back to the regular visits, but there were still about 50% through Zoom,” Mr. Briones added. “So Zoom is here to stay.” Similarly, the library’s adjustments in response to limited community interactions are still applicable following the pandemic. For instance, the library adopted a touchless self-checkout system as librarians and visitors were separated by a clear screen. Post-pandemic, Director of the Library Marshall Carroll shared, “The screen went away as soon as we were able to remove it, but the touchless, self-checkout system is [still] used during off-hours when students are not in the building, but adults are allowed access. It is also set up over the summer and during breaks.” Reflecting on the pandemic-induced or accelerated changes, Mr. Barbato said, “I think that speaks to Deerfield; it’s constantly growing.” COVID-19 may have been a forced reality but remnants of its era represent Deerfield’s flexible and resilient solutions which have proved more beneficial than one could have ever imagined when first implemented.

Tony Hoffman’s substance abuse journey from incarceration to coaching BMX professionally at the 2016 Rio Summer Olympics to founding PH Wellness, a world-class rehabilitation center in Southern California, has enabled Hoffman to use his story of struggle to empower communities worldwide, including the Deerfield community. When asked about his preparation for his presentations, Hoffman said in an interview to the Scroll, “If I speak from a place from which we are all the same, then I am using things we can all relate to to try and take home the message that I want to bring. So, I have felt that telling stories is the most effective way to do that so long as the stories have a personal appliance to them.” Hoffman used the “ice cube analogy” for when an ice cube falls onto the floor and the easy choice is to kick it under the fridge rather than throw it in the sink as a connection to change. Hoffman believes, allows individuals to understand that, “[no] matter who you are, where you are from, what you’ve been through, how you feel about yourself, change is possible and…change can be something amazing for not only yourself but others.” When asked about the steps he took to create change in his own life and overcome drug addiction, Hoffman shared, “If I could see that brushing my teeth was no different than doing my homework or showing up to a job on time, over time I would start to feel something different about myself or what was being presented to me.” He continued, “When these bigger things came to me, the confidence to execute small things showed up and gave me enough confidence to do the big things.” Responding to Hoffman’s talk, Ashley LaBrucherie ’23 shared, “To me, his message was particularly resonant, as my mother’s side of the family actually all went to the same high school as Tony Hoffman, and I have lost a cousin to an overdose. She continued, “Being in the Deerfield bubble removes me from the hardships present in a lot of what we refer to as ‘the real world,’ and hearing Hoffman’s story reminded me to be more aware of the harsh realities pertaining to addiction, mental health, and substance that are prevalent in all facets of life today.” Discussing the challenges youth face in regards to substance abuse, Hoffman highlighted the heightened risk social media plays in increasing our anxiety, describing how platforms such as Instagram increase dopamine responses in the brain when we “overengage.” In order to effectively support youth and adolescents’ mental health, Hoffman emphasized the need for schools to “normalize safe spaces” in order to create “a culture of vulnerability” which actively addresses the “evolving needs of students.” When asked about ways in which Deerfield supports students’ mental health, Lily Pierce ’25 shared, “I think Deerfield provides great resources for students, but I still think the idea of mental health and having mental health issues is a very stigmatized one.” LaBrucherie agreed, saying, “I think Deerfield should educate kids on the harm of substances and their health risks…[while working] to bridge the gap between the extensive mental health resources on campus, and students who neglect them out of fear surrounding confidentiality.” Director of Counseling Jennifer Daily further discussed potential improvements, adding, “I think an area of growth might be for us to add more programming on mental wellness, things like emotional intelligence and resiliency skills, the essential skills for life that maybe you wouldn’t seek individual counseling for, but would certainly make your experience of life better.” Counselor Daily also emphasized the immense care Deerfield adults have for students in the community: “I want each student to know that we really do care about each one of you. And we care about you no matter the grades you get, the goals you score, the size of your role in the play, the college you get in to. We care about you, because of the human being you are. Not the results you generate. I know our motto is Be Worthy. You are all already worthy of everything that matters. We are so glad you are here, and we appreciate the human being you are. If you ever doubt it, read this again. Come talk to us in the Chen. We care about you, and we are here for you.” In addition to Campus Security (413-772-9880), the Health Center (413-774-1600), and the National Suicide Help Line (988), Hoffman’s two websites (https:// www.tonyhoffmanspeaking.com; https://www.phwellness.com) and Hoffman’s Instagram DMs are readily available resources you can use if you have any questions or are struggling with mental health.

“It is 2023, the year you will graduate from Deerfield!” If you received this message, sent by Manager of Student Information Systems Ms. Donnally Drake on January 11, this sentence was probably not a surprise. After all, your internal countdown to high school graduation likely started the day you stepped onto Deerfield’s campus. Nonetheless, we seniors are faced with concerns about how we will finish “our year” rather than how we will enjoy it. Without having sufficient time to embrace the significance of “our year,” we are pressed to decide on our senior quotes, get our senior portraits taken, and contemplate what kind of legacy we will leave behind when we depart on May 28. Accompanying this shocking realization is the increasing awareness of our class’s receding presence and the younger classes’ growing one. The juniors, often the loudest voices in the Dining Hall, also own most of the real estate in a way that often overshadows the so-called “Senior Bubble.” Senior club and alliance leaders (including the Scroll XCVII board) will soon start making way for new, excited younger students fueled by ambitious visions. Juniors gossip among themselves about their potential Student Body President and proctors. Then, in more hushed whispers, they see members of our class receive their college acceptance letters and speculate about what their application processes will be like, just as our class did last year. As graduates have done in the past, we will leave our mark on this campus and its remaining people as we step into the next stages of our lives. Soon, the next three classes will enter their graduation year with a sort of wistful sigh stuck in their chests that begs simultaneously for captivity and release, thinking that the seniors were right about one thing: time really does move quickly at Deerfield. Four years can feel like an eternity, but also a mere second in our lives once it’s time to move on. For now, however, we are still “as green as can be,” and “we’re the class of ’23.”

In John Louis on a Saturday night, the conversation casually shifts to the topic of national debate: abortion. A few girls avidly voice their opinions, but all the other girls remain silent and nod half-heartedly, afraid to voice their opinions for fear of social backlash. While self-censorship has affected political conversations for ages, it has recently expanded its reach to academic institutions as American politics grow increasingly polarized.  Deerfield Academy’s core values include “citizenship in a spirit of humility” and “connectedness to our unique setting and the contemporary world.” Head of School John Austin states on the Deerfield website that the Deerfield learning culture “includes a commitment to free and open inquiry, and to expressive freedom.” Yet, according to the Spring 2022 Thrive Survey, the student body exhibits alarming rates of self censorship; 53% of students feel uncomfortable sharing their opinions. Why is there such a large gap between Deerfield’s core values and the Thrive Survey data? I would argue it’s because the student social scene is already too entrenched in cancel culture for the administration’s rhetoric to have an effect. Assistant Head of School for Student Life Amie Creagh said, “The implications of saying something wrong are more public and more pronounced now. I can see why people would hesitate. There is a rumor mill, and everyone has access to it.” Even though the administrative consequences of saying a cultural taboo would be minor, the social consequences could be lasting and possibly devastating.  possibly devastating. Ms. Creagh also said, “When thinking of how Deerfield students should express their views, I thought about bringing your head and your heart into a comment. With your head, you can use research, data, and discernment, and when you bring your heart into it, you bring respect, care, love, and an invitation to differ.” Yet in more private spaces such as the dormitory common room, the boundaries of what constitutes logic and respect become more relaxed, so it can be harder to differentiate harmless jokes from actual opinions. Speaking from personal experience, it can be difficult to voice views that conflict with those of another present without coming off as uninformed, apathetic, disrespectful, or even crass. So, more often that not, I stay silent. I wonder if the reason why self-censorship is so prominent in boarding schools’ culture is because at its core, the problem is social. Intense polarization has created an environment where students, despite using all their logic and love, can’t overcome a rift between opinions. Students aren’t willing to let friendships or social standings fall into this rift, so they stay silent. While this is a problem at any school, at an institution where one eats, sleeps, and talks with the same group of people for extended periods, one must wait for months to escape the social consequences of saying something controversial in the classroom. In the “rumor mill” created by a group of teenagers, all of whom live together, the consequences of a verbal misstep can be as bad as those of a messy breakup. No person can express their opinions flawlessly all the time, but the boarding school social scene expects absolute perfection. I know my appearance, my academic performance, and my extracurricular involvement are judged down to the wing of my eyeliner. Similarly, I know my words are judged constantly. In an environment where others’ judgment can follow me even to my own bedroom, where my political opinions have the potential to affect who wants to eat breakfast with me, I find it easier to stay silent. So do the majority of other boarding school students. According to surveys conducted by the Eight Schools Association (a collaborative of eight independent boarding schools in New England), 52.4% of students at Phillips Exeter Academy and 51.2% of students at Phillips Academy (Andover) censor themselves because of their political views [The Exonian, February 2019; The Phillipian, May 2022]. Boarding school students, despite the extensive resources their schools provide to encourage respectful disagreement in public, exhibit high rates of self censorship. Students, teachers, and administrators spend hours attending seminars and workshops learning to respect different opinions, yet the problem remains. The solution is a complete shift in boarding school social dynamics. Boarding school students need to break out of the entrenched expectation of perfection and find dignity in our differences. I don’t think that will happen while I’m here. But in case that opinion offends any of you all reading, I guess I’ll stay silent.

Dear Reader, When I was seven, my favorite movie was the 1989 sci-fi/comedy Back to the Future 2 In the movie, Doc and Marty travel from 1985 to 2015 and are flabbergasted to witness a society filled with flying cars, video chat, and even selflacing Air Jordans. While critics believed the Back to the Future series to be an iconic piece of sci-fi, it had left out an important detail. It had failed to predict the true scale of Artificial Intelligence (AI) in the 21st century. AI is nothing new to modern society. Every day we encounter examples of AI ranging from Tesla’s self-driving cars to marketing chatbots to facial recognition to Grammarly to Google Maps. In the last few months, the materialization of ChatGPT and OpenPlayground AI—online chat bots that can generate everything from love letters to poetry to even a Buzz Scroll article—has only helped push the once-esoteric subject into the public eye. Recently, my US-China Relations class generated terms for a quiz using ChatGPT and my Research in Sustainability teacher used it to create class discussion questions. Due to its prevalent use, discussions around the benefits and drawbacks of AI are swirling again in academia and beyond. Does ChatGPT complement or hinder learning? Will these advances in AI create a digital authoritarianism in places like China? Will the prominence of AI signal the downfall of print media and journalism? Will our society become like those in the dystopian novels we read by 2050? During these times, a 1998 Scroll article describing internet use at the Academy offers some insight. Instead of fearing the new invention, Scott MacArthur ’98 welcomed it, writing, “The internet is a valuable and resourceful tool that every student was supposed to have…” Perhaps our paranoia about ChatGPT is all for nothing. One hundred years from now, future generations may even laugh at our fears just like how we currently remember the Luddites, a group of radical workers who destroyed textile machines in the 19th century. In the first Scroll issue of 2023, we hope to explore the role of AI in our lives. In the Opinion and Editorials section, Eric Li ’24 and Billy Tang ’25 argue that ChatGPT may be beneficial for humanity in the long run but perhaps detrimental to student learning. But suppose you’re unsure what ChatGPT even is. In that case, Sophia Gao ’26 and Tessa Bracken ’24 explain the new technology in the News section, comprehensively investigating how Deerfield teachers and students have responded to the rise of it. To see ChatGPT in practice, you could flip to the Buzz section, where we’re publishing our first-ever article written by AI. “Deerfield Academy: A Guide to Surviving the Wilderness” is a humor piece generated by OpenAI Playground under the prompt, “write a funny article about life at Deerfield Academy for the Deerfield Scroll newspaper.” A few weeks ago, I jokingly told our Scroll faculty advisors that perhaps, in five years, all stories in the Buzz section may be wholly written by AI. Yet, a January 17 The Washington Post article recently reported that “it turns out the bots are no better at journalism—and perhaps a bit worse—than their would-be human masters.” Though AI has ingrained itself into every facet of our lives, human journalism and Scroll writers are here to stay for now. Warmly, Sunshine 陈心旎

Though the Scroll tends to cover more easily digestible stories adorned with clever titles, in order to honestly represent the current state of the Academy, we must also address topics that are often deemed too uncomfortable, vulnerable, or awkward. Thus, in light of two recent tragedies at peer schools, we want to use our platform as a student publication to discuss mental health on campus. Below, our nine page editors and editorial board have chosen to share extremely intimate personal stories detailing our own struggles with mental health. We ask that you read not to judge, but to understand. To anyone who may be experiencing dark times right now: we hope these accounts can make you feel just a little less alone in your battles. We have also included some resources below. Though it doesn’t always seem like it, talking to just one person about how you’re feeling can change everything. Please feel welcome to contact any one of us if our story resonates with you. To anyone wishing to support those around you: show just a little bit more love to everyone you interact with. Whether it’s checking in on a friend (or a stranger), starting a conversation with a quiet sit-down table mate, or simply genuinely caring about how someone’s day went, a little goes a long way for those feeling completely alone, misunderstood, or inadequate. Clara Chae Newsroom Managing Editor *content warning:mentions of suicidal ideation and self-harm Last spring I didn’t get proctor and it destroyed me. It confirmed my most profound insecurity: that deep down, I was truly a mean person. That no matter how polished I tried to make my outsides, everyone could still see something absolutely repulsive beneath. I hated myself for overreacting over something I thought was so small. Obviously, my perceptions were extremely contorted versions of reality, but I nonetheless began spiraling. I’m not quite ready to disclose all the details of said spiral, so let me provide you with a highlight reel: a security guard showing up at my dorm at 1 am to take my reluctant self to the health center, a dorm resident walking me (again, reluctant) to the health center just a week later, countless anxiety attacks, serious considerations of suicide, crying on the golf course in front of my coach and two of my senior guy teammates, losing almost all my closest friends, a left arm riddled with cuts, and leaving a week before graduation because I simply could not keep up anymore. Trust me, I surprised myself too by returning this fall. Yet here I am. And I won’t lie, it’s kind of sucked, but in some ways much less than I had feared coming into it. I’m still finding the ending of my story at Deerfield, but I think I’m okay for now Sunshine Chen Editor-in-Chief When I was small, I voraciously devoured success stories of people my age. Malala won the Nobel Prize at seventeen. Gitanjali Rao was on the cover of Time by fifteen. I wanted to be like them. So, I told myself at seven that by the time I turned sixteen, I would do something that mattered to the world. I was going to find my calling. And then sixteen rolled around, and I had no idea what I was good at or wanted to do. The people around me all knew what they loved: Lily was good at drawing. Summer dominated in math competitions. I loved writing, but Albany Road and writing camps rejected my works. I liked physics, but I couldn’t handle a simple mousetrap car project and burst into tears in front of Mr. Creagh. I debated alongside powerhouses, but I always got the lowest speaker score. I didn’t even like debate that much in the beginning— I just did it because I was moderately good at it. I was good at everything, but not good enough at anything. It took a long time to find “my thing” (I was still deciding if I was a STEM or humanities person until 11th grade), but I’ve come to realize that’s completely okay. Everyone blossoms in their own time. Jerry Huang Digital Managing Editor Three months ago, if you asked me whether I could control my happiness, I would have resoundingly said yes. Among many privileges, I was blessed to be born to two happily married parents who loved me and raised me to know a God who loved me more. I was fortunate to grow up in safe neighborhoods all my life and have the opportunity to attend school every day. So how could I have answered this question in any other way? My despair must have been self-inflicted. After all, I had only my lack of discipline to blame for my tiredness and frustration. My life was bound for nothing other than unfulfilled potential — due to my own weaknesses — and the 69 on my final Honors US History Artifact Project junior spring only projected this sentiment, I thought. Yet, in the last week of summer, after mustering the courage to speak to my mom about my burdens, my idea of happiness, and thus, my outlook on life changed. I was reminded that I was not and would never be the robot with the perfectly programmed discipline I used to strive for. Instead, because I am a full, uncontrollable human, I should simply strive to try my best, celebrate the small accomplishments along the way, and understand that improvement doesn’t require beratement. Heidi Nam Opinion and Editorial Editor In my junior year, I questioned my self-worth, approaching everyone skeptical of their intentions. Were they friends with me because they enjoyed my company? Or was it because they wanted my answers to homework assignments, because they felt obligated to be nice, or because they had no other options and I was their last choice friend? Overanalyzing my friends’ motives, I quietly cut myself out of many relationships. As a result, I cried every night alone on my bed for two months during Fall and Winter Term.  I stressed about academics because even though I was trying my best on each assignment, there was no guarantee that my effort would translate to an increase in my grades. I felt guilty about taking time to rest because I didn’t want to risk letting my grades drop. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents or my future self when applying for college. During these dark times, I could not see a way out. But I eventually chose to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. (This phrase is cliché precisely because it is true.) So my advice to readers is to trust in that truth and just focus on getting through one more day. Then one more. Then the next. All of a sudden, you’ll find that the tunnel is behind you. Neha Jampala News Editor Junior spring, my heart literally, physically hurt for weeks on end to the point where I felt like it would give out from fatigue, anxiety, and stress. I feared that my academic ineptitude would ruin my future. I felt like a dead weight for my crew team. I found myself in situations that made me doubt whether I could ever prove myself. Every word I said felt thoughtless, and I felt emotionally numb and unavailable for the people around me. In moments where I couldn’t even be there for myself, I felt like my parents had lost faith in me. My isolation from my friends, whose hearts were also perhaps being stretched thin, prevented me from being honest with my own struggles.  One night, I opened up about a sensitive topic with someone I looked up to. He told me, “Neha, you do not need to be sanguine.” I hadn’t cried in almost three months until that moment. Sanguine, to me, is a heartbreaking yet beautiful word, which changed my outlook on vulnerability once I learned what it meant. Really, nothing hurts more than fabricating a reality that your heart knows is hard to believe. I hope you too, can find solace in words and people who give you the space and acknowledgement to pull your heart back together.  Gloria Chun Features Editor I started my junior year hoping to make up for the days I’d lost away from Deerfield during COVID-19. But, devastatingly, things didn’t unfold as planned. I felt like a failure, spiraling further away from my goals each week. My lofty academic ambitions soon diminished; I found myself struggling to stay focused as my new ADHD and PTSD medications began to alter my mind and body. My stressors soon ruined my aspirations of reconnecting with friends and exploring dance. By November, when my traumatic memories reappeared in my nightmares, my hope for an enriching school year crumbled into a struggle to stay alive.  My sister and I spent hours talking to each other. She taught me how to remain present, however frustrating and disappointing the present may be. “Just do it,” she’d often say whenever she saw me refusing to buy in. And while the old Nike adage sounded insensitive at first, I began to understand that she was encouraging me to live my life, even if it wasn’t perfect. I was distraught only because I held myself to an unrealistic standard. So today, I reiterate my sister’s advice to you: Just do it. Don’t let regret hold you back, because a change of plan isn’t a failure. Lucy Guo Arts Editor ‘Grandma passed away.’ I read the text message repeatedly, unable to process what was happening. At that moment, I felt like an unfilial granddaughter. People had always told me to cherish time spent with family as the future is unpredictable, but I never thought I would lose someone so suddenly. The last time I had seen my grandma was four years ago, prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. Since then, I had occasionally FaceTimed her, assuming I would have time to catch up with her during my post-graduation trip to China.  After receiving the news, I was unreceptive to my classes, sports, and friends. My mind was overloaded with regret for not having spent more time with my grandma. I felt helpless, unable to be there for my family. I wanted to reach out to others but, with college application due dates looming, I feared that talking about my struggles would burden the people around me with even more stress, so I swallowed everything behind a mask.  On the evening of the Choate bonfire, a friend offered me a hug — a simple gesture but one that told me I was cared for. A gesture that made me feel at home. Many of us are away from family but we have each other, and I encourage you to be kind and attentive to others as well as yourself.  Sarah Parish Buzz Editor The summer before my senior year, I could not wait to come back to Deerfield. However, my fall term did not go as expected, with the simultaneous pressures of challenging classes, college admissions, and drastic changes to my friend group.  Here’s a summary of my fall term: losing my best friend and spending every weekend night alone in my room, leaving a sit-down dinner early after almost passing out from a migraine which I later learned was from my worsening anxiety, feeling on the verge of passing out several times a day for weeks, and phone calls with my mom as I experienced several anxiety attacks at the thought of spending another weekend on campus (and thus many weekends spent off campus).  I felt alone. I felt like no one could relate to me because everyone else was enamored with Deerfield in a way that I could not understand. However, after opening up to my sophomore year proctor, I realized that this was far from true. I was not alone with these emotions and all it took was confiding in one person to realize this. Days can drag, but years fly. So, my advice to readers would be to embrace every lesson Deerfield brings your way because, while it might not feel like it sometimes, you are all strong enough to endure them.  Caroline Weller Sports Editor As a new junior, I was so worried about the future that I struggled to stay present. I began overthinking my entire life, and it manifested in everything I did. I would sit at brunch thinking about looming assignments and judge trivial choices as “right” or “wrong.” I felt insecure because I could not be present like all my new friends (seemingly) could. Though I recognized that I had real anxieties, I never told anyone about my concerns; I blamed everything on being “Type A” or “a night owl” or “a perfectionist.” My teachers often told me that I put too much pressure on myself, to which I responded, “I am just organized.” However, once I opened up about my anxiety, I realized many of my friends faced similar struggles. Leaning on my friends gave me the power to instantly feel less alone. No matter what is going on inside your head, know that everyone else also has something that they feel insecure about. Even writing this makes me feel vulnerable, but if it helps someone reading it, it is worth it.  Mandy Xiang Photography Editor Growing up as the oldest child in my family, I became the nice, mature, kind older sister who always took care of others. Coming to Deerfield, I became an older sister to many people around me. But deep inside, I felt lonely, like no one understood me and everyone was focused on themselves. I thought that no one would support me as I grappled with difficult emotions alone. I suppressed my emotions, which was tiring and overwhelming. Eventually, I learned to embrace my emotions by reflecting and finding a healthy balance. I now realize that the loneliness, doubt, and anxiety I felt are shared by many others around me.  That’s why I try to give others some comfort whenever I can. We are all human beings who share very similar emotions. It is part of our experience to feel those emotions, embrace, enjoy, and overcome them. While reading this, I hope you could find some resonance in this piece and remember that there is always someone who genuinely cares about you in this world. Lily Lin Graphics Editor *content warning: mentions of disordered eating In a COVID-19 sophomore year, I returned to Deerfield from China, where the beauty standard was to be “paper thin.” I wasn’t allowed to wear leggings out of the house. “If you were skinny maybe I’d let you wear it,” my mom would reprimand me. I was convinced that I was “fat,” even though I knew I was “normal weight” by health standards. I did, in fact, struggle with a strange reliance on food. Whenever I got stressed, I could not stop eating whatever was nearby— nuts, chocolates, cookies, chunks of butter— even if they made me nauseous or bloated. I would stuff in food until I’d be sobbing on my floor because of stress and guilt.  These breakdowns became a habit during junior year, until one day, at home, my mom walked in on me hysterically tugging on my hair and silently screaming into my pillows, pinching red the fat on my thighs as if that would dissolve it. My mom was terrified upon seeing this side of her bright, sunny daughter. At Deerfield, my counselor at the health center referred me to the nutritionist, who gave me a lot of simple but effective tips. I started exercising out of joy, and ate moderately to ease my digestion problems. Though I know self-image is a journey that fluctuates, I am grateful for the health center’s support. Campus and Outside Resources: D.S. Chen Health Center: call 413-774-1600 Security: call 413-772-9880 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness Hotline: call 800-950-6264 Crisis Text Line: text “Home” to 741741

On June 24, 2022, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade (1973) in a 5-4 vote, rejecting abortion as a constitutional right. In the wake of this decision, many Americans, including Deerfield students, are left wondering about the subsequent implications of this ruling, especially in terms of their access to reproductive healthcare services.  For now, Deerfield students and residents of Massachusetts still have access to abortions. This is due to The ROE Act, which was passed by the Massachusetts State Legislature in December 2020 in anticipation of the potential overturning. The law codified and protected women’s access to healthcare services including abortion, contraception, and counseling.  According to its website, the Deerfield Health Center, “[w]ith the full understanding that adolescents are legally free to obtain contraception, pregnancy testing, and counseling on their own from doctors and clinics in this area or home communities,” also offers these services. Additionally, contraceptive counseling is available through the Health Center. These conversations, according to the Health Center’s website, “will focus on the nature and availability of contraception.” Following a discussion, if a student would still like to request contraception through the Health Center, “a follow-up visit can be scheduled with [either] the school physician or nurse practitioner.” In addition to contraceptive services, pregnancy testing is also available to students through the Health Center. In the event of a student pregnancy, a health staff counselor would be available to provide information to the student in order to help them make an informed decision. According to the Health Center’s policy stated on its website, “The counselor will encourage the student to include parents and partner in the decision making process and will facilitate bringing those concerned together if requested.” Beyond the services that the Deerfield Health Center provides, there are local obstetrics and gynecology practices such as Tapestry in Northampton and Pioneer Valley Women’s Health in Greenfield. These agencies provide similar services to the Health Center as well as additional counseling and services.  According to its official policy outlined on their website, the Chen Center can typically provide transportation to local appointments if given at least seventy-two hour’s notice. Encompassing all of the services that the Health Center provides, Director of Medical Services Bryant Benson stated, “The D.S. Chen Health and Wellness Center is committed to supporting all aspects of our students’ health and wellbeing, including topics such as relationships, sex, and contraception. Students with questions about these topics should feel free to drop by or call the Chen to make an appointment with a provider. These conversations will be kept private to provide the best information, care and support possible for our students.” In light of the Supreme Court’s recent decision, some states may experience changes to their reproductive healthcare laws and regulations. As Deerfield’s community is made up of members from a wide array of locations, it is helpful to be aware of the Health Center’s services and support, as some students may not have access to the same resources while at home.

When I think back to my middle school years, I remember Wednesday chapel services, singing Christmas songs at the local homeless shelter, and going to Bible camps to bond with my classmates. I also think back to the moment I had the terrifying, confusing, and unequivocally true realization that I liked a girl in my math class. While attending a largely conservative Christian school, I stayed in the closet and silently cringed when the boys in my homeroom actively used homophobic slurs or when the girls on the field hockey team said lesbians were going to hell.  This October, when I heard there was a purple-out for anti-LGBTQ+ bullying awareness, I proudly donned a purple dress with a rainbow ribbon. The whole time, I was bothered by the nagging thought that this performative activism wasn’t going to help people who have been bullied for their sexuality, wondering what my purple dress was actually doing. I went to a Scroll writers’ meeting, worked out my pitch, and prepared to write a sharp Op-Ed repeating the paper’s tagline of “Deerfield, do better.” But, after talking to the students who organized the event, I realized that there is a significant argument in favor of performative activism. During my year and a quarter at Deerfield, I have seen many events and calls to action to help different causes on and off campus. Last year, the Gender and Sexuality Alliance rallied to raise awareness about anti-trans legislation, students in the Class of 2023 group chat organized a red-out for Roe vs. Wade, and co-curriculars donned “Move For Love” t-shirts to stand against abusive relationships. Initially, I viewed these movements as ineffective. How does wearing red directly affect or change the ruling of Supreme Court Justices? How does going for a jog directly help a domestic abuse victim? It doesn’t. However, I had been asking the wrong questions. What I should have asked is: “How do these events affect the environment on campus?”  I asked Koai Solano Ortiz ’23, a GSA leader, if xe thought that wearing a color for a cause was an effective way to create change on campus. “[The purple-out] could be good, especially for people who are just questioning their identity and need that push of ‘oh my God, there are people on this campus who will support me,’” xe said. This really resonated with me. I thought back to seeing my math teacher in a purple shirt and tie on the day of purple-out and realizing that he wouldn’t judge me if he knew about my sexuality. What if, say, 60% of the people at my old school had worn purple as a statement against LGBTQ+ bullying? Would I have felt comfortable enough to ask my crush to cotillion?  Sophia Sotirhos ’25, the leader of DA Cancer Connections, hosted a pink-out recently to raise breast cancer awareness, which I had originally scoffed at for the same anti-performance activism reasoning. However, Sotirhos said, “It’s easy to sort of look at people [dressed] in pink and say that it’s not really doing anything, but … it affected me, seeing how many people really cared.” Although wearing a certain colored sweater may not be the most effective way to create direct and lasting change, I keep on thinking back to what would’ve happened if kids in my middle school wore purple in support of people like me. I might not have had the years-long struggle of changing my religion and rethinking my sexuality countless times before coming to terms with the fact that not all my fellow Christians hate me, that my Christianity and bisexuality can happily coexist. As teenagers, our job isn’t to cure cancer or write legislation, but to constantly strive to change the issues that bother us in our own respective ways. We are high school students – attending a citizenship-focused and affluent school, yes – but we are not leaders of the free world. Our realm of influence is limited, so it is the willingness to participate in these campaigns rather than the scale of their impact that really matters. Personally, I know how hard it is to create change in the world. I never came out in middle school, and I barely had to the courage to reprimand my classmates when they were blatantly homophobic. Now, I try my luck at writing Op-Eds for the few that are willing to read them. My writing, like a purple out, will never have the impact of a congressional bill, but I’m not a senator. I’m content knowing that my article will reach the minds of a few, even if it doesn’t occupy the attention of a nation.  Keep wearing your pins and having conversations about climate change, pronouns, health care, or any other issues you are passionate about. Keep trying to make change, Deerfield; however small it is, you are making a difference.

Controversy isn’t new to public figures. Scandals, accusations, and all sorts of salacious bits of juicy gossip constantly circulate them like a digital swarm of flies. Although controversy in itself shouldn’t discourage us from engaging with controversial figures, the tricky part lies in what kind of platform we as a community are willing to give them. The recent guest speaker, Johann Hari, and his tenuous relationship with journalistic integrity, has raised that question.  As of 2011, Hari went from The Independent’s star columnist to a disgraced journalist. In an apology published in The Independent , Hari admitted to not only rampant plagiarism since 2001 but also changing the Wikipedia pages of his critics by accusing them of homophobia, anti-semitism, and various other problematic behavior. He even embellished his own page. Most notably, Hari was exposed for fabricating his Orwell award-winning article on human rights atrocities in the Central African Republic (CAR), according to a Financial Times article. Hari claimed in his article that “Children would bring us the severed heads of their parents and scream for help, but our orders were not to help them.” In an interview with the The Telegram , non-governmental organization workers in CAR accused the journalist of inventing the claim at worst and grossly exaggerating the issue at best, and pointed out multiple inconsistencies in his quotes and holes in his stories. Additionally, Hari has been called out by multiple intellectuals across the political spectrum, ranging from Noam Chomsky to Nick Cohen, for malicious misrepresentation in his reporting. In light of these discoveries, the Council of the Orwell Prize stripped Hari of his 2008 prize and The Independent put him on probation; Hari resigned from the newspaper after four months. He then took a two-year-long sabbatical before returning and releasing his book Chasing the Scream (2015), which detailed the horrors of the war on drugs and his own relationship with drug abuse. Hari re-framed himself as a mental health advocate, publishing two other books about anxiety and depression called Lost Connections (2018) and Stolen Focus (2022).  Hari  issued a full public apology  on September 15, 2011 in an Independent article acknowledging his malicious behavior and expressing genuine remorse for his misdeeds and the potential harm his dishonesty caused. He also returned his Orwell prize. Despite his penitence, I still take issue with the way Hari continues to promote himself as a trailblazer who single-handedly broke down social norms with his new book. Hari’s new image only serves to crowd out qualified scientific voices and step over genuine research, making him seem like the lone warrior fighting for mental health. In addition, Hari’s more recent books are also under scrutiny. Notable scientific experts such as Scottish psychologist Stuart James Ritchie and neuroscientist Dean Burnett criticizing Lost Connections and Stolen Focus for their lack of evidence and deliberate misrepresentation of studies to support Hari’s claims. In particular, Hari claims “between 65 and 80% of people on antidepressants are depressed again within a year,” which Ritchie revealed was taken from a popular science book rather than a scientific study, casting severe doubt on the validity of the rest of his claims and his “reformed” journalistic integrity. This issue is particularly distressing because Hari is encouraging his readers to stop taking prescribed antidepressants, which could potentially mislead them and put them at risk. This advice is especially pernicious given the fact that depressed individuals are an incredibly vulnerable population that Hari’s dubious-at-best content is targeting. According to Assistant Head of School for Student Life Amie Creagh, Deerfield brought in Hari with the help of Lavin, an intellectual talent agency. Dean of Students Samuel Bicknell said that Hari confirmed the practicality of the cell-phone policy’s intention to “create more opportunities for connection.” However, by allowing Hari to speak on stage, Deerfield Academy not only tolerated but also implicitly validated Hari’s stance against antidepressants and, to a degree, overlooked his past abuses. It’s wildly hypocritical to cast someone known to have plagiarized and gone directly against Deerfield’s academic values on numerous occasions. Allowing Johann Hari to rehabilitate his reputation by instrumentalizing the Deerfield student body is unacceptable. The impacts of his malicious reporting, especially since he has set his crosshairs on teenagers like Deerfield students, cannot be understated. That is not to say that everything he says is entirely wrong, but as a school so focused on promoting integrity, the Academy should be more careful when selecting future guest speakers.

Deerfield can be overwhelming and stressful at times, as students juggle rigorous academics, demanding co-curricular activities, and busy social lives. However, there are a handful of resources offered on campus to support students through their ups and downs, from the Health Center staff to Peer Counselors. There are three types of counseling that the Health Center currently offers. The first is individual counseling, where students can schedule sessions with a counselor and may continue seeing them for however long they need to. Contrary to a widespread belief that therapy is a long-term commitment, many students only meet with counselors for a couple of sessions because its aim is to develop an effective, personalized strategy to produce positive results in the short term. A second option is group counseling, which was recently introduced. It includes the Managing Anxiety Group, the Grief Group, and the Managing Intense Feelings Group (which will be introduced in winter of 2022). Director of Counseling Jennifer Daily said the purpose of establishing group counseling at Deerfield is to, “[help] pierce the veil of loneliness, and it helps people feel more connected, more normal, more like we’re in this together.” The Managing Anxiety Group is a skill and strategy based group that will meet for a total of four to five sessions. During these meetings, students will learn about the science behind how human brains function, and how they can manage certain situations that provoke anxiety. Students are also given worksheets as reference points and tools to practice with. The Grief Group differs from the Managing Anxiety Group, as meetings are conversational and revolve around shared experiences of loss to foster connection between students.  One of the initiatives aimed towards developing students’ emotional intelligence is “Notice and Connect,” an evening long conversation given annually to all juniors. It teaches students how to recognize when their friends are struggling and strategies for how to talk to them in a helpful way, thus providing tangibile guidelines to support each other when needed.   In addition to counselors, the Health Center houses an eating disorder specialist, a sports nutritionist, and a psychiatrist to ensure that students have access to a range of support. Looking forwards, Counselor Daily said that the counselors are working on implementing a wellness co-curricular next fall. She said that the co-curricular is still a work in progress, but if it does happen, it will be a recreational level co-curricular in which activities might involve ­— but are not limited to — doing crafts, going on walks, learning coping skills, sharing music, and watching movies. The primary purpose of a wellness co-curricular, according to Counselor Daily, is that “it gets you connected to your classmates, but it’s a way to have some space.” Peer Counselors are also a resource that students can turn to for help. These select students are a group of students chosen for the position through an interview and application process during their sophomore year. They then spend their sophomore spring being trained by Peer Counselors in the year above them and are taught how to handle various scenarios, what attentive body language looks like, and how to be a good listener and recognize when a situation is beyond their help. This is to best prepare them for junior fall, when they become active Peer Counselors. They offer office hours from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. every week night in the health center. Their phone numbers are posted in all dorms for convenience, as students may reach out to PCs at any time. Additionally, PCs visit the freshmen village every two weeks to hold small group sessions. Regrading these various methods of communications, Head Peer Counselor Jackson Collins ’23 further explained, “Our duty hours are just a set place where we are, but you can literally stop us on the path and talk to us; there is no time that’s unavailable for us.” Now, with the new peer counselor website, the process to reach out to one of them is easier than ever. On the website, students can select a specific counselor they want to talk to, and then that counselor will receive an email. They will then get back to the student as soon as they can to schedule a time to meet. According to Collins, “we know how incredibly hard it is to go to a person who you see pretty much every day and spill information and secrets and insecurities that no one likes talking about,” so this website aims to ensure that the process of reaching out to a peer counselor is friendly and comfortable.

What is your favorite spot on campus?  Gabby Biscottini:  I’m gonna have to say [the trainer’s office] because I never leave it. Robert Graves: Favorite spot on campus is probably the top of Barton Hill looking down towards the lower levels. What is the funniest interaction you have had with a student?  GB: My funniest interaction with a student was when they tried to sign into the computer and they didn’t know their own birthday, and I had to tell them when their birthday was. It’s not a joke. Poor ninth grader.   RG: Hahaha. I have lots of them. Yeah the sign-in is always funny…. I think it’s just kids trying to figure out the sign-in. What’s one thing you would add to the Greer menu?  GB: I would add disco fries. Just a little gravy and some melted cheese on those bad boys. Mmm.  RG: Maybe overnight oats. Do you have a favorite team on campus?  GB: It changes every season. For the fall, my favorite team is the volleyball team. I gotta say it. They’re the best. RG: Love ‘em all. If you could go back to high school and tell yourself one thing, what would it be?  GB: I’ll get a little more serious on this one. Probably have a little more confidence in myself and don’t be afraid to try new things. I fully regret that.  RG: Let’s see. That’s a good question. I think that it would be just to kind of take life one moment at a time. What is your favorite thing to do on a day off?  GB: My favorite thing to do… I love taking taking my dogs for a walk and just enjoying the nice weather. And getting out of this windowless room.  RG: Spend time with my family. What is your favorite dining hall dessert?  GB: Oh hands down the carrot cake. That’s the best one. That cream cheese frosting …  I don’t know what they do to it. RG: Strawberry rhubarb crisp. What’s one fun fact that nobody knows about you?  GB: A fun fact nobody knows about me. Hm. Oh I mean it’s an ironic fact. I’m marrying a U.S. History teacher, and I almost failed U.S. History in high school. RG: Maybe like my hometown. I grew up in Greenfield.

Deerfield dances are a great way for students to get out of the dorms and have some fun in an otherwise packed schedule. Whether you are practicing your Spanish while singing along to “Pepas” or moshing to “Levels ,” this is what your favorite Deerfield dance song says about you. “Levels” by Avicii: You picked the safest option. This song is often overplayed, but you love everything about Deerfield. Whenever it comes on you make sure to rush into the middle and get ready to dance. Additionally, we all know this was definitely not your favorite song until you came to Deerfield. “Starships” by Nicki Minaj: You love waving your hands around at dances and probably can’t do any other moves, but this has never stopped you from singing at the top of your lungs! You like music from the 2010s, and you listen to music to boost your mood. “Pepas” by Farruko: Whenever you have the opportunity to, you will blast this song and try to sing along to the Spanish. You like other Spanish party music and probably have a Spotify playlist dedicated to it. Picking this as your favorite shows that you don’t want to impress anyone, but you don’t want to disappoint anyone. “Pump It Up” by Endor: This song accomplishes its goal: it pumps you up! You like to play this song before every game or workout and love it when this song plays at the beginning of a dance.